Reflect on your Fellowship journey in its entirety. What do wish you would have known when you started? What stands out/surprised you the most?

In order to best and most directly reflect on my fellowship journey, I pulled up my original plan with each goal and step I had originally outlined, which allowed me to provide a reflection on each goal.

GOAL 1:
Improve my leadership by enhancing my knowledge of traditional self-sufficiency skills, adopt them into my life, and encourage my communities to adopt and implement them as well. Knowledge of these skill sets will improve my leadership by incorporating these ideals into my economic development work, and by giving me the confidence to take more chances.

Steps 1:
I am going to hire specialized experts in traditional skills for a series of classes. Including Sidney Has No Horse for traditional medicines, Craig Smith for hunting and dressing large game, fishing and bush craft. Richard Williams for fishing, smoking fish, and traditional food preservation. George Bishop for permaculture/natural gardening and traditional self-care methods.

Reflection 1:
Of all my goals, I was probably most successful in achieving this one. I have tackled hunting and fishing. I have learned how to catch, gut, clean, prep, smoke and can fish. I have learned how to can fruits and veggies. I have worked on improving my gardening skills for three summers now. The areas that I am still working on are improving my gardening skills and traditional medicines. My garden has not yet be particularly successful. So this year I am building a new garden that is in more direct sunlight and adjusting my soil PH.

GOAL 2:
My learning goal will be to enhance my knowledge of tribal finance for tribal government self-sufficiency. I will study the application of these principles of finance, tribal business and self-sufficiency through a series of targeted “externships” and meetings. These practical opportunities will dramatically increase the leadership skills obtained in the classroom.

Steps 2:
I will take a series of pre-requisite classes (such as accounting and intro to finance), and the MBA classes. The classes and evolution will be guided by advice from tribal finance and economic development mentors. I plan to do approximately 2 “externships” with financial institutions and with best-practice tribal corporations. I will also meet with several experts in the tribal finance arena over the fellowship, expanding my finance network and the network for the Great Plains Region.

Reflection 2:
I feel I also did a good job achieving the goals set out in Goal 2. I took numerous courses in this arena, took on new clients in this area, and even began a few new businesses in this field. I was not able to do the externships while balancing my job, which is disappointing. But starting the new businesses provided many similar hands on learning opportunities. I definitely increased my finance expertise and network. I think the crowning acknowledgement of this achievement for me this year was getting invited to a tribal finance conference that I had never been invited to before, and in which my attendance was considered so valuable all of my fees and expenses were waived to ensure my attendance. I have much still to learn, and still toy with the idea of needing an MBA, but I am proud of the initial strides I have made in the field.

GOAL 3:
Improve my long-term leadership capacity by finding better a better work-life balance, and better incorporating self-care.

Goal 3:
I am going to spend more time with my family, particularly my parents and my husband. I am going to prioritize incorporating my husband into the classes, projects and adventures so that we learn, explore and grow together. I will take at least one significant trip of quality time with each. I am going to better incorporate physical fitness into my weekly life. I am going to outsource some of the life tasks in order to help prevent me from burning out.

Reflection 3:
I think I was successful in achieving most of the items within this goal. I was able to take a significant trip with each of my parents and with my husband which were joyful and memorable. While the physical fitness and healthy eating has ebbed and flowed with travel and winter, in general in has become a stronger and important part of my life and outlook in a very healthy way. I feel healthier and stronger. And I have changed the way I eat and the respect I have for food’s role as medicine. I have identified some concrete skills towards positive thinking and living that I have incorporated into my life and leadership, and I feel I have better control of my stress levels. My biggest failure in this category is my marriage. I recall distinctly the Bush fellowship staff admonition about the high divorce rates of Bush fellows as one spouse begins focusing on new things, and to ensure we incorporate our spouse into our growth and adventures. So I specifically made it part of this leadership goal. I feel/felt like I was trying to do that. But yet, my husband seemed to grow further and further apart from me this past year, and not that interested in proposed classes or activities to grow together. I do not think the distancing was a result of the Bush fellowship but instead coincided with it, it was more his commitment and intimacy issues, as I pushed more togetherness. But yet, I failed. Perhaps I pushed too hard. Perhaps I misread important clues. To watch the partner you love so deeply chose to separate and push you further away, to "other" you, is a terrible helpless place to be. I am still hopeful for a positive happy path forward as we tackle recognition of each of our patterns and roles. And will use the skill sets learned these past two years to balance myself during this difficult time.

GOAL 4:
Enhance my knowledge of Lakota language, spirituality and culture. Through this increased knowledge I hope to become a better person and leader, to incorporate traditional ideals into my knowledge and leadership. My leadership in western society on behalf of Indian Country is only as strong as my incorporation of Lakota ideals.

Steps 4:
I am going to take Lakota language classes at the Lakota Summer Institute in Ft. Yates. Attend traditional Lakota ceremonies. Take a formal Lakota Leadership class at Oglala Lakota College. And informally spend time with Lakota elders in order to process the leadership information.

Reflection 4:
This is probably the weakest in achievement of my four goals. Mostly in my lack of taking the weeks off required to attend in the intensive immersion language classes. I did however change my sons school so that he had more access to language classes and he will be doing language classes this summer. I have however consistently been attending ceremonies in a way that has been important to me and my leadership views and skills. I would still like to take a Lakota leadership class at OLC and hope to do that later this year.

Here are some initial reflections on this amazing experience that has been the Bush Fellowship. I am grateful to the Bush Foundation for this opportunity and to my fellow Fellows. It has been a challenging, humbling, empowering and irreplaceable experience.