Pang Yang Log 3

The last two years has been a remarkable, priceless, and life changing shaping my leadership skills in so many ways, building connections to so many people I never dreams of, and most importantly taking care of myself for the first time in my life without feeling guilty.

My leadership journey the last two years has become so clear to how I want to lead. I know the kind of leader I want to be: one who is humble, has the trust of the community, and one who inspires other leaders to be their greatest; however, what I found along the journey was the loneliness of being a leader; the I higher I climbed, the scarier it was. I had a lot of anxiety with my organization growing rapidly overnight, but after some time, I realized how many other Executive Directors who struggle to grow would dream to be in my place and that I should embrace the challenges I will have ahead of me because my leaders and I are on to something great, something so great; we will have a ripple effect that will change the Hmong community in the next 50 years.

Next I learned that being a leader requires me to learn more about anything and everything stretching myself to the max in so many areas of the unknown and that it is okay to ask for help. I had a lot of obstacles along the way; however, I refused to keep myself contained in the box and continue to seek my mentors, Dr. Jenna Cushing-Leubner, Linda Cha Yang, Dr. Xong Xiong, and other leaders ahead of me for support, guidance, and comfort. I’ve been so blessed to have found leaders who share the same values as me and believe in the work we do together. Because they believed in me, I believed in myself.

Being a leader required me to be mentally, physically and spiritually strong. I have healed to another level the trauma I thought I had unpacked years ago, unpacking it even more through my leadership trainings, discussions with my peers, and moreso, finding peace with me. I continued to deepen my knowledge around mental health, telomeres, and longevity as in combination is the reason why I am seeing the crisis that I am witnessing in my community. In addition, I have worked on preventive measure to keep my chronic aches and pains from worsening over the years. In fact, I have put attention to my chronic issues during this fellowship because I was able to prioritize me. Next, I have finally, yes finally with over a dozen attempts in the last decade to be physically fit, as I have made it my goal to be proactive. I accredit to the leadership training understanding how the mind works to train myself to break the cycle of unhealthy living. In the last 6 months, I have lost 35 lbs and counting, have never slept so well, and I continue to prioritize exercise on a daily basis. This part in itself has made me a better leader because I care about my well-being first in order to show up to the best leader I can be. When I feel great inside and out, I can show up to better than ever.

In addition, I’ve had imposter syndrome for quite some time because I just can’t believe what has happened the past six years as the journey has progressed so fast. It feels so surreal. How could someone like me get to where I am today? Through the last two years, I came to an actualization that this journey is real, and I have to give myself credit for inspiring others around me, for listening to teachers and creating change so the system can be a better place, for empowering emerging leaders to step-up to their greatness, and so much more. I refuse to give up hope.

I also believe that lifting up the Hmong community also means sharing the knowledge and resources with other Less Commonly Taught Language (LCTL) Teachers as they too have the similar struggles. When we come together to work smarter and not harder, we become stronger communities together. I love sharing the MZZ journey to inspire other LCTL communities to create change and hope for their communities too.

Furthermore, I have also learned to create partnerships with other organizations who may not have the same vision as I do, but they have a different group in their network. By putting away our differences, pulling resources together, we can go so far to changing the social problems we have in the community. I have come to understand the power of change through letting going biases that prevent important collaborative work to be accomplished.

My journey doesn’t end when the fellowship ends, it is just the beginning of something greater. I still remember the Board Chair of the Bush Foundation asking me during my interview, “Pang, what do you want to achieve in the next 3-5 years?” I told him, “Like to take my nonprofit to $1 million in revenues.” He said, “Pang – think impact and the money will come.” In less than one year after the interview and into the fellowship, I surpassed the goal and my leaders are making huge ripple effects in so many directions. I am so proud of the leaders within the organization who give it their to make the Hmong community a better place for all. This is the first time in 50 years, I have felt a sense of hope for the betterment of the community because I know I have so many amazing leaders who have the same vision as me. We are here to create win-win for all and we are not turning back. The time has come.

Just because my fellowship is ending doesn’t mean I’m done growing. I’m still growing every day as some days are harder than others; however, I now have more tools and resources than ever to take on new challenges. I am ready to prep the next aspiring Bush Fellows from my network to grow their vision and be a part of lifting up the Hmong community in the years to come. I believe when we have leaders who have the same vision, we can remove barriers to create space for healing to begin.

Lastly my fellowship experience has not only changed me, but everyone around me has noticed a shift in the community from the carefully crafted events my team puts on, to the programs my leaders have created, to the dreams my educators have for language reclamation, to the young people who now have purpose in life, and much more. My understanding of leadership through this journey has forever created an scare in my heart. I am so truly blessed for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and so glad to be a part of the Bush Fellow family forever. (This was quite emotional to write this…).