Nadine Tebeh Graves Log 1

In many ways, I still feel like a new fellow. Time has flown by. I began the fellowship process having accomplished a lot while feeling overwhelmed and overstretched. Operating like that fueled insecurity and imposter syndrome. I desperately needed to apply the airplane analogy of self-care to my life. Becoming a Bush Fellow has afforded me the time and space to put the figurative mask on myself first to better show up for others and the causes I’m passionate about. As a lifelong public servant, this has been a challenge—however, the fellowship forces you to think of ways to put yourself first.

Even though I wrote a plan, I felt stuck on how to implement it and what to prioritize. As a result, one of the first things I did as a fellow was seek out a coach. It has been the best thing I could’ve done for myself. My coach keeps me accountable and helps me create balance so I can get to a place where I am satisfied with myself and my work. I would only have been able to afford this with the fellowship. I tend to be hard on myself and place a lot of pressure on myself naturally, so getting such a coveted reward exacerbated it. However, my coach helps me slow down and reflect on everything I am doing and creates space to celebrate and give myself credit for the changes I’ve made in such a short period.

I’ve become better at advocating for myself and setting healthy boundaries in my personal and professional lives. I recently started a new role where my coach’s support has helped me become a better leader. This job change was not part of my plan. Instead, I planned to take a short sabbatical to focus on my fellowship plan, so trying to fit it in with my fellowship goals and other responsibilities has been challenging. Still, I am grateful my job is supportive when I take time off and will be when I do in the future.

Additionally, the fellowship has allowed me to pay for and attend conferences I otherwise would’ve never entertained because of, first, having to take time off of work and, secondly, the cost. Speaking of cost, I have had to combat a poverty mindset when spending money. As someone who doesn’t come from money, I catch myself second-guessing certain expenditures because I am so used to being unable to afford certain things. However, it feels great not to worry about finances associated with the experiences and opportunities I am getting due to this fellowship. It feels great to invest in me and not feel selfish about doing it. The self-love and gained perspective shifts weren’t anything I could’ve predicted. I am excited knowing that although I have plans, something more transformative is on the horizon as I continue this journey.