Michael Walker Log 3

Over the past 18 months, I have noticed a change in how I approach many things within my world. There are so many to choose from, but I will highlight my most recent experience of entering into the doctoral program. The past three months have been very difficult for me in regards to my PhD journey. First, let us start with who I am and what I do on a daily basis.
Being the director of the Office of Black Male Student Achievement (OBMSA) for Minneapolis Public Schools, my responsibility to change academic outcomes for Black Males. While ensuring that I am changing these outcomes, what I have learned from listening to the voices of Black Males in our schools, Black Men who work in schools, and my own journey is that our educational system was not designed with us in mind. This design has valued certain epistemologies over others. Factoring in that reality could be one of many causes to the academic outcomes we are getting with Black Males in our educational system. As the director, my job is to push back against the system about the way in which we are educating Black males. The question that comes to mind is why must they fit into this dominate culture box of how learning should occur. The OBMSA mission statement is, “We exist to awakening the greatness within Black Males in Minneapolis public schools to have them determined to believe and achieve success as defined by their own values and dreams.” Their “own” is essential to the mission statement; it means that one does not have to conform or assimilate to dominate culture. As a licensed counselor, I would never tell anyone what to do but provide information for him or her to make the best decision for themselves.
Currently, I am struggling with the PhD process as a whole for these reasons. How in the world can I go through a process that is more strict and prescribed than the K-12 system? The doctoral process dictates what types of knowledge is valued and how you must share that knowledge. I am being hypocritical in my mind, if I just go through the process as is. Furthermore, it does not make sense to me, I cannot see the greater good, and I feel like I am being deceitful to the Kings and families I serve and ultimately to myself. I know I have went through the higher education system and taken classes and have survived, but that was before my current thinking and lived experiences. It reminds me of the quote by the brother James Baldwin “The paradox of education is precisely this – that as one begins to become conscious one begins to examine the society in which he is being educated.” If the program is about my learning, and me why do I have to follow a pattern that was not designed for me? Why do I have to follow a format that was not designed for me? Why do I have to learn to write in the way that is not me? If I go along with this, all I am doing is perpetuating the same old additive that the dominate culture way is the correct way. There are those who will say that earning your PhD will allow you to be of more benefit for the Kings, but again I fall back on, why am I dancing to the dominate culture music. What if I want to listen to my own music and own sound on my own station.
The question was posed, how has my leadership changed? What I have shared is a glimpse of how I have been much more reflective in my personal and professional day-to-day life. Utilizing this skill more frequently and intentionally has allowed for deeper understanding of situations and the ability to be open to hearing new perspectives. With deeper understanding comes a more willingness to engage in discourse with others who can provide that other/new perspective. While I have a strong stance on issues and topics, it does not mean that I am stuck in that understanding. With the example shared above, I reached out to those who have completed the process, teaching within the process, and those outside of the process to share my struggles and to gain insight that can ground my thinking while offering alternatives and or a role in analyzing the current model to be more inclusive of all.