Leslie S Harper Log 1

It’s been a year since I first heard that I was selected as a Bush fellow, and yet I’m still getting used to the experience in some ways. The fellowship has afforded me time and money to support rest and regeneration in my life of systems change. I constantly reflect on what it means to have access to rest and regeneration, and who has access to it. I reflect on what a privilege it is for me to access rest and regenerative activities as a rural reservation-based agent of change, because so much of life out here in the hinterlands is focused on basic living/basic survival needs and a small population pool from which to draw new actors for impact.

Regarding regenerative activities, I have been re-introducing myself in community, slowly trying on a new role of being a participant instead of a primary organizer/host/emcee/scheduler/timekeeper/clipboard-bearer. This has been an intent part of re-energizing for me. See, I have been so caught up in the intensity of critical mass and tipping points of change and the grind culture of low paying jobs with great purpose (Native language revitalization is honorable, yet is also often expected to be done out of the goodness of one’s heart – which I’m sure others in purposeful fields can also relate to) that I didn’t take much time out for recreation. As a single mom who works on Native language efforts and advocacy, I’ve struggled to take time out for fun, for recreation. Struggled because a) the ‘mission’ is all-important and always has a hundred things to do with the clock about to strike midnight critical, and b) struggled financially to stay afloat which leaves little time for regeneration and keeping up energy to make positive changes. This is not sustainable, and I’ve burned out many times and retreated from movements to lick my wounds and recover. Balance in life is a basic principle of Ojibwe living, and I have not always been a good demonstration of the practice. Leadership requires intention and balance so that one doesn’t burn out, and it requires community so that when one needs rest others are able to step up and protect them and carry on the work. Leadership needs for us to be in community, but at the same time leaders can be perceived as apart from community – like, ‘you’re on a whole ‘nother level, you’. It’s been important to intently re-connect with my community and I am grateful to the resources of the fellowship that are supporting me to explore this. I’ve been happy to take time out, via the fellowship’s financial support and intentional focus on discovery, to participate in community events as an observer or as a learner instead of the leader who is directing others. I’m showing up in relaxation rather than with my jaw clenched tight and a clipboard full of checklists and spreadsheet tasks. Folks have remarked that I am showing up in joy in this relaxed state. I like to think it’s due to showing up just as Citizen Me with no agenda to persuade anyone, when I make time to join new Ojibwe crafts classes or attend community gatherings to observe and learn about issues other than Native languages and policy so I can better understand where my community members are at and how our lives intersect and intertwine to support our people.
During the application stages and then creating my fellowship plan was a difficult process to consider my own self so much, and to continually iteratively describe why I should focus more on myself, because I had not previously been given that luxury. I realized how difficult it has been to sustain energy for change-making in policy and advocacy for many years and how important it is to truly consider and take on self-care. Also, the consideration of a coach for this journey into the next steps of leadership has been a great step in exploring and moving toward a horizon. They’ve had great practical advice for me on readings and podcasts and suggestions for workshop trainings, and they have also helped me in just expanding my imaginative processes.
I’m learning. I’m exploring. I’m experimenting. I’m resting. I’m reflecting. In the context of creating a stronger and joyful me as the product, so that I’m energized to take on the next phase. Yes, I have a fellowship plan full of details and activities, which is an important part of the intentional development for leaders, and I am also leaving a lot of space for new possibilities in the next year of the fellowship.