Jenn J Faul Log 1

Congratulations! By completing the written application and interview process, the Bush Foundation witnessed an element in you that they wanted to further inspire. By becoming a Bush Fellow you will receive an incredible gift of resources to help you learn, grow and develop what you are passionate about. When I first became a Bush Fellow I was very excited and honored to have been selected and a little bit in disbelief as well. I did not fully appreciate the magnitude of the gift that I received in those initial days or weeks. The staff at the foundation informed us that the media may want to reach us for interviews regarding the award. I recalled thinking that the media would likely not be interested in me attaining this, but sure enough, radio and newspaper interviews were scheduled. It was a celebratory event that was more about me joining this great foundation. Take a some time to realize the plans you have created with this award.

Time seems to go so very quickly in the fellowship and not to long after the award announcement was made I was writing my first monthly reflection paper.

To reflect on getting to meet the 2018 Cohort of Bush Fellows at our retreat was wonderful. To know that I became part of an amazing group of people who were aspiring to achieve great things empowered me to dream just a little bigger too. It was one of the first groups that opened space for the practice of vulnerability and being non-judgmental. A space where we could laugh while we played impromptu charades and sing the song ‘Power’ written and recorded by cohort member Me’ Lea. For all of us to laugh together when we were locked out of the sky walk back to our hotel and then, as newly identified regional leaders, walk the wrong direction back to our hotel in a bizarre spring blizzard. When we entered that weekend we were individuals coming to a retreat to see what was to come. I felt that we left as a united cohort.

Within that first month of being a fellow, I applied and was accepted to the Doctoral of Education program at NDSU. My selected area of interest is Institutional Analysis and may have an addition emphasis in Organization Leadership in Spring. I am one of six other people selected as the 2018 doctoral cohort. I am grateful to have found joy in this cohort and this program so far. Achieving my doctoral degree was a goal I had wanted since high school. When my youngest son graduated in 2018 and with the gift of the Bush Foundation, this goal is becoming realized. I have learned much in this program that pertains to my position at work as well. In the program, space was created for a ‘soft landing’, a place to be vulnerable, to realize that over the years of our program we will be researching and writing and things we set out to do may fail. Ideas we have and then test may not be realized in data. When those things happen we have a safe and soft place to land within our cohort. With just two semesters into the program, I know I am beyond fortunate to have been selected.

I would like to say that thus far in the Fellowship I have learned to be vulnerable. I would like to say that. What I can say is that I have practiced being vulnerable in both my personal and professional life more since being in the fellowship and the doctoral program. I have learned more about my leadership style. I realized that I have overcompensated for any anxieties that I had about presenting by over preparing and being able to answer nearly any question. By doing this, I left little room for conversation, for other perspectives to be shared and for a team to grow as a result of working and figuring things out together. It had been my way of not being vulnerable to ‘not knowing’ or being seen as ‘not good enough’. I learned that lesson in my doctoral program, but took that lesson back to my office and to a member of my executive team and shared it. It was a vulnerability moment, but one that I needed to share with that particular team member. Since that time, I have listened more and directed less. I have practiced letting my teams grapple with issues instead of trying to resolve the issues for them. Through a great conversation with a local CEO, I have learned the difference between being a leader and managing people and situations. By being a leader I maintain a vision of what needs to be achieved in my personal and professional worlds and will continue to orchestrate ways in which to accomplish that. By becoming a better leader, I am promoting the intentions of the staff I am fortunate enough to oversee so they to can realize their dreams inside our outside of the organization.

One of the most challenging things that has happened since being in the fellowship was opportunity to participate in the writing of a grant. The grant opportunity came to my awareness by Kim Mertz, ND State Department of Health. The grant had already been out for two weeks and the state was look for a partner to work with. We only had two weeks to write it before it was due to HRSA, the federal program that was issuing it. There were a lot of resources available if the state of North Dakota was awarded the grant. Kim and I worked countless hours in those two weeks to complete and submit the application on time. At one point, late into the evening, as we both were in our offices, we discussed the feasibility of actually getting this completed on time. We both knew that there would be great resources for the state if we got the grant, so we pressed on. At the end of September, we were made aware that we were awarded the HRSA grant for the Pediatric Mental Health Care Access Grant, which will award the state of ND two and a half million dollars over the next five years. I was very excited and then also, quickly realizing, we wrote a grand plan knowing we had a lot of money to spend. Our partnership has resulted in the development upcoming state wide stakeholder meeting. We will be putting tele-mental health into rural clinics across North Dakota so rural youth have increased access. We will also deliver tele-health directly to schools. This will include psychiatry, licensed addiction counseling and of mental health therapy. I have found a synergy in my efforts of research for the doctoral program, that support my efforts of the grant and my work. This is all very serendipitous as this was part of a goal and a need that I had identified in my initial application to the Bush Foundation in 2017 and spoke about in my interviews in the spring of 2018. I have learned in my leadership, that it is not about competing and winning, it is more about partnering and achieving. Together, the relationships made with a shared vision and skills to execute a development plan, we will build a great system.

I have found agreement in the quote by Robert H. Schuller, ‘I’d rather attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed.’ I attempted to apply for the fellowship and received it. I attempted to apply for the doctoral program and was accepted. We attempted to get one of twenty federal grants and we did. There is so much opportunity if one attempts and is willing to be vulnerable to fail.

As stated earlier, time goes quickly. New projects and opportunities present themselves. One of my continued goals and works in progress is self care and balance. I have reduced time spent with family and friends in order to focus more on projects and opportunities. One of my bigger efforts now, is to find a balance that is healthy.

There are so many things that I still look forward to fulfilling as part of this gift. I look forward to writing more about them in future reflections.