Through my Bush Fellowship activities that pertain to the investigation of how creativity plays a role as a practice of healing, I continue to contemplate on leadership and my own growth. In reflecting on the first year and a half of my activities, I have witnessed how effective leadership “happens” as a consequence of leaders maintaining the right state of mind. So what is the right state of mind? Through my conversations with healthcare professionals, patients, patients’ family, administration, students, faculty, researchers, and artists, I have learned that the focus of a leader cannot be making the right decision; rather, a right decision is the consequence of practicing deep and radical listening, paying attention with curiosity, and the deepening of self-awareness. These three things have served me as guiding principles, helping me maintain my own mindset as a leader. The evaluation of the decision I make is based on these three things. If I am at the right state of mind, it is often the best decision I can make at the time, and whether the decision is right is no longer relevant.

Radical listening is about listening beyond the surface level. The definition of “radical,” relating to a root or roots- has helped me think differently about the way I listen. I have faced many situations where I was challenged to examine my own belief of being a good listener. While I thought I was listening to the speaker attentively, I was listening to my own voices in my head, trying to analyze the content the speaker was speaking. Radical listening requires me to notice what is said and unsaid. As Henry David Thoreau stated, “It takes two to speak the truth. One to speak and another to hear.” It is my job to ask more questions to get to the heart of what the they are expressing. That requires me to step back and remain in this space of observing the situation. As I continue to collaborate with the Psychiatric Unit at Mayo Clinic for the narrative project, my practice of radical listening has changed the way the staff and I collaborate. For example, the nurse manager and I reviewed the results of the survey completed by the nursing staff, responding to a series of questions regarding how well their group education programs were working. 50% of the staff were satisfied while the other 50% had a long list of concerns and suggestions. The manager expressed that this survey communicated that they had room to improve and wanted to try incorporating some suggestions made by the staff. I read and reread the words shared by nursing staff, and I suggested stepping back and actually having more conversations about the program. Looking at the range of responses, I sensed that the purpose of the group session and what is expected of these sessions was not the same for everyone. While everyone stated that the purpose of the group program was "to provide education to our patients on critical topics that affect their mental health... and to improve self-awareness and communication skills," there seemed to be a wide range of understanding regarding “self-awareness” and “communication.” In discussions that do not progress from the point of disagreement, there needs to be an acknowledgement or confirmation that we have heard each other accurately. Facilitating the conversation so that all participants become aware of the accurate understanding of each other’s position from radical listening is also the work of a leader. Radial listening begins with me. Then I constantly striving to implement this practice in all discussions I navigate for my work. At times, my colleagues and community members may feel as though I am slowing everything down or that I am challenging them. But in the long run, the large amount of listening that needs to take place before making a decision is absolutely necessary.

In addition to radical listening, paying attention with curiosity is about learning each situation as a complex map. Paying attention to the content of what people say is never enough to fully understand the situation. It is my job to truly attend to each situation holding these questions in mind, “What is important to them? What is it that they are really expressing?” To find the answers to these questions, I must wonder about the speaker’s background, experiences, and the views that she/he already holds. Just having these questions in my system guides me to remain curious and prevents me from deciding what I know. The French philosopher, Simone Weil says that, “attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity…attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as a prayer.” I carry these words with me. The complexity of an individual cannot be reduced for the sake of our needs to simplify and organize our understanding. Yet absorbing the complex map of each person is not easy. From interacting with patients at the psychiatric unit, to participating in heated discussions with colleagues at my university, I pay attention and notice what is occurring; I have especially learned that I can trust what I notice to guide me to what I need to do next. My attentive practice led me to some engaging conversations, in which people open up to share their thoughts. In psychology, the term, opener, is used to describe individuals who are attentive, receptive to listening, and allow the other to open up to express their thoughts and feelings. I hold the image of a door opening as a reminder for me to pay attention to notice, wonder, and trust my ability to see the next path.

As I continue to practice my leadership, I explore ways to take care of myself. Self-care is about sustaining my ability to lead. The best way to take care of myself is go deeply into what matters to me: learning deeply with focus, connecting with the truth, sensing my own progress and growth. If any one of these elements is not in my practice, I feel spent. In the beginning of my fellowship, I believed that self-care is about protecting my time and energy. When I became overwhelmed, I tried to cut down some tasks yet everything seemed important. I had conversations with my supporters, some of whom are radical listeners. In the process, I learned that to protect my energy and motivation, I needed to stay engaged and remain focused, instead of allowing myself to be pulled to different directions. Contemplation of what heals our community is the root of my deep interest. I am learning that radical listening is also applicable to me, to sustain myself as a leader. Simone Weil’s words on self-awareness, “It is a fault to wish to be understood before we have made ourselves clear to ourselves,” gives me courage to first face all the questions and thoughts I have within me, share my stories, and also make thoughts visible to others.