The Journey. The journey to lead with greatness is filled with excitement, pain, reflection, humility, and endurance. Coming face to face with who you are, have been, and could be strains and strengthens the heart, mind, body, and spirit. To have someone invest in you because they believe you will make a world changing impact with your leadership is humbling and heavy. I remember when I first applied. I had served as a reference or guide for three other fellows over the previous five years and finally a providential connection with a prominent community leader led me to apply myself. As with all fellows with whom I have connected, none believed they would be selected when they pressed "submit" on that first application due date. I certainly felt the same. After six months into my first Fellowship year I can say without reservation that this has been the most transformational point in my leadership journey and possibly in my journey through life, period.
Performance, achievement, excellence...my life's work has pursued these values relentlessly and done so over a span of more than twenty years. But to understand what I need to take my leadership not 'to the next level', but to the level of greatness that will change the world and make a difference in the lives of tens and hundreds of thousands of people or more...that journey is unfolding in one arduous layer at a time. I say it is arduous because this process is not about checking things off a list, getting things done, learning more information, or getting a certificate for participation...it is challenging because you have to be transformed before you can lead in a transformational way. This is so much more difficult than we think it is going to be. Why, you might ask, is it necessary to transform ourselves when we have been performing and achieving for so long and with confidence and success? The answer would have been (prior to June 2017) because I am morally compelled to serve others in the way they deserve. My answer today is that I am now morally compelled to invest in me in the way I deserve. Even typing that last statement continues to leave me feeling threads of guilt and selfishness. For someone like me who feeds my soul by serving others, breaking down barriers, busting broken systems, and redesigning solutions for those most oppressed...talking about investing in me was so foreign and uncomfortable that but for this opportunity may never have been explored.
The deepest place of my learning. To be clear, this is not really about self-care. That term pales in comparison to this level of discovery. To be transformed means we have to fill ourselves differently, more effectively, more intentionally, and more strategically. To be transformed means that we have to seek those things that we want to project to and in the world. If I want more than resilience for those I serve, then I have to have it myself. If I want more than survival for those I serve, then I must turn that corner in my own camp. I cannot give what I do not have. Period. As simple a statement as that is; it is the absolute truth. I cannot acquire new skills, new insights, or new powers of discernment by just giving. I have to also feed my soul with the love, appreciation, respect, and joy that is present just because of me and me alone. If that is what I want for the world, then I must have it. And so the pursuit of joy just for me is critical. The pursuit of meaningful solitude just for me is critical. The pursuit of connecting with others to enrich myself just for me is critical. Without doubt, this stretching continues to be stunningly difficult.
Networking with other Bush Fellows. This reflection would not be honest if I neglected to mention the imposter syndrome we all face at the beginning of this process. It was almost comical watching 24 high-performing, opinionated, power focused, Triple A personality profiles walking into our first Bush Fellowship Retreat last April. These individuals are impressive. At that retreat I recall thinking...there is no way I am this caliber of professional...and then I had several say the same to me about me. Since that time, some of my best learning has come from the networking and new relationships in this cohort. I meet with one fellow as close to monthly as we can muster; email regularly with others; have secured professional expertise that will enhance my work at Wayside; and have learned SO much from their monthly reflections. What a novel we could all write. I have also benefitted from meeting with past Fellows for coffee, lunch, dinners, and just informal get togethers at our homes. This continue to be a source of phenomenal support. If I had to pay for all this expertise I would be financially crushed within a week.
The easier parts of the past six months (who would have guessed that I would call the following easy...) have been working on my school program at Harvard; networking in Washington DC with policymakers; conducting my first international research tour in the U.K.; building my leadership resource library; and becoming a system buster in Minnesota related to the Opioid crisis. As a result of this fellowship I have been asked to lead initiatives that are statewide, nationwide, and now worldwide. My networking in the U.K. has led to an international research team on addiction and mental health innovations. My new colleagues and I have designed a shared learning experience whereby we might go to each other's countries and be hosted by the teams in those regions, connected to learning by the hosts in those regions, and engaging in ongoing consultation with those new colleagues discovered on the way. We have commitments from team members at the World Health Organization, from ISAAC (an international faith based coalition on addiction treatment), and from providers and national health representatives in Italy, Denmark, Belgium, England, and Scotland. I will be traveling to those remaining countries later in my fellowship experience. The colleagues I have met thus far have become lifetime friends and connections. This work has already changed lives and made an impact on persons served and I have only been in the fellowship 6 months!! My stretch goal of co-creating a think tank on building leadership within this field/workforce is starting to show signs of 'life' and my excitement for that possibility is hard to contain. A wise mentor told me...change the focus on "do-do-do" to a focus on "strategic investment of time so the doing is the most effective". And so, while I remember that, I remain patient with a bit of low grade happy dancing watching this unfold.
As I write this (at 330am), I am sitting in Cambridge MA getting ready for an intensive weekend in my Harvard Organizational Behavior course. The students are taking this program from their home countries (Russia, India, Bangladesh, Thailand, Canada, U.K, Africa, U.S.A) and due to being adult learners are taking these hybrid on-campus and online courses to build their expertise from the convenience of their homes. Several of us are meeting each night to discuss leadership insights we might share after the course has completed. We are from different industries and have multiple lenses on what system designs/solutions might look like. Again, diversity and brilliance of thought is born from this opportunity...things I would not have been able to accomplish on my own.
Gratitude for those special relationships in my life. My husband and children have not only been supportive of this experience but have also had insights of their own that have been motivating to both them and me. My husband is a rock in my life. He has supported this journey and my passion to serve as long as we have been together. The fellowship has allowed us to spend quality time together that twenty years of intense work has compromised. While this has only taken a bit of time and funds to do, the outcome is as precious to me as any other investment in this process. Our children have expanded their aspirations in ways we would never have anticipated as a result of this experience. My place of work has been phenomenally supportive. I made sure that I talked with my Board of Directors and Senior Leadership Team about this opportunity when I first applied. That was extremely important in garnering their support and building an understanding of the fellowship itself. Our teams have already started thinking differently as a result of watching the exposure this has generated. Instead of focusing on my time away from work; the focus is on what I bring back. And, finally, on my hobby of quilting...the quilt I hope to create that honors this experience in my life will be at once healing and generative for me. I hope it will be for those who see it on display as well.