Hey! New Fellow, Congrats! You’re probably feeling a little weird about being a Bush Fellow. A mix of contradictory emotions; relief, guilt, happiness, apprehension, and a great deal of excitement. That is normal and well within your design parameters, or we can say that “you are mighty and contain multitudes.”
No matter what, though, you are deserving of the award! Yes, many others are too, but that’s what they think of you, so let yourself revel in your good fortune and hard work. I’m sorry to share that the imposter syndrome won’t go away, and frankly, you don’t want it to. It’s what got you here. It’s what made you hustle just a bit more. And it’s what kept you humble throughout all of your successes. Since it’s not going anywhere, I hope one of your goals is how to become friends with it.
Even more unsolicited advice is to take whatever permission you need to change your plan. In fact, it probably should change. You are growing and learning; plus, you don’t know what doors are about to be opened because you are now a Fellow. Be open to those opportunities, and don’t be locked in just because you said you wanted to do it previously. You are not beholden to the ghosts of your former self.