At the beginning I had my entire fellowship journey planned. From minutes to milestones, I knew exactly what I wanted to do and where I needed to be - until the pandemic hit.

These days, I'm feeling frustrated and am trying my hardest to manage expectations that I initially set upon accepting the Bush Fellowship. I've been building my strength while creating new rituals such as therapy and coaching but am struggling to do more beyond one set of goals. Over the past year I've been hype focused on one goal due to pandemic limitations, which is to learn about private equity financing. I've spent the majority of my fellowship taking courses, shadowing calls, and raising a fund. To date, I've been able to 70% of an 8M fund for early stage founders in games.

It feels good but there's a sense of loss that I can't quite explain. I wanted to be more fully immersed in the experience of being a Bush Fellow and had plans to be embedded in major studios or take dance courses. Throughout the pandemic, I feel as if I'm so focused on one part of my experiencing and am unable to see what's coming up next.

My goal for 2021 is to take time to heal from COVID-19 trauma and start creatively thinking again about how best to approach my fellowship with a fresh pair of eyes.